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| Credit: Paramount Pictures, Hasbro, Di Bonaventura Pictures. Film: Transformers: Age of Extinction (via Facebook). |
Check out a short video review of the trailer for Michael Bay and Mark Wahlberg's latest film - Transformers: Age of Extinction. First, watch the real trailer to refresh your memory, and then play the clip below it to see some of the "epic fails" I found. Like always, I have embedded the transcript of the video, in case Youtube takes it down.
Here is a transcript of the trailer review:
0:13 The government uses billboards to remind people that they should be good samaritans and call the authorities if they witness any "alien activity," as if they wouldn't do that when giant robots start attacking their city. At the same time, the government expects citizens to memorize and dial an extremely long emergency phone number.
0:15 Also, Mark Wahlberg wears a trucker cap to "make his character look ordinary"=cliche. Oh cool, now I can relate!
0:18 Optimus Prime sucks at hiding. Doesn't he realize that letting rust take over most of his body and losing his colors doesn't make him invisible? Duh!
0:25 Mark Wahlberg wants to break down Optimus Prime and sell his parts to put his daughter through college. What exactly is he gonna strip? That rusty old truck doesn't have anything precious, maybe except for the engine. Provided that everything is in order, the profit he makes won't be enough to pay for even a single online course, let alone a whole college tuition.
0:28 Mark Wahlberg's desktop screen shows funny charts. Is he a stockbroker now? Also, his mug reveals that they live in Texas, but nobody seems to have a Southern accent.
0:30 Mark reveals that his family is going through a financial crisis, but his house and garage look too huge for somebody who can't make ends meet.
0:33 Wahlberg is panting like he'd just ran the marathon, yet he doesn't look sweaty. Must be all that excitement of helping his daughter go to college.
0:38 Big machine gun shells fall off the driver's cabin when Mark opens the door. How did they even get there? Doesn't Optimus use a sword and an ion blaster?
0:43 The truck's front grille is clearly busted open and yet Mark - who is supposed to be an expert mechanic - doesn't see anything unusual, like transformable parts and unfamiliar (alien) technology.
0:46 Mark reveals Prime's identity by simply giving him a boost.
1:05 Mark makes the mistake of threatening an agent not to "mess with people from Texas" and ends up getting tackled down on the ground. There's a lesson to be learned here: Report alien activity or else!
1:13 Optimus Prime makes dramatic entrance and blows up Mark's garage into pieces, because that's what you do to people who desperately need money. Jerk!
1:25 Soldiers are now defeating Transformers without breaking a sweat.
1:36 Those nasty spinning wheels from Battleship are back!
1:39 "Alien spacecrafts always attack in single numbers"-cliche.
1:40 Alien spaceship makes dramatic entrance with the help of a harmless fog.
1:43 Decepticon spaceship looks like a giant scorpion.
1:50 LOL. Big machine gun comes out of a Decepticon's mouth.
1:58 The Decepticon aircrafts are also giant magnets.
2:00 Pacific Rim on broad daylight.
2:05 "Main characters running out of harm's way when a huge explosion sets off in the background" cliche. Usually, blasts have the tendency of throwing people 50 feet in the air, but fuck it!
2:07 Transformer with parachutes.
2:08 "Bad guy realizes he's wrong and shouts 'Oh my God!' when things go out of control"-cliche.
2:09 Convenient product placement.
2:10 Some Dinobots use wings to fly even though they are machines to begin with.
2:15 Optimus Prime needs to get the adrenaline going, so he starts yelling at Dinobot T-Rex. Was that supposed to scare him?
2:20 One clean bitchslap from Optimus is all you need to put a Dinobot to sleep.
Verdict: Age of extinction is postponed!
Posted in: Current Affairs
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